| LONG OVERDUE UPDATE |
[Fri, Mar 20th, 2009 at 11:28pm
] |
Oh.My.God. I'm actually updating?!
Yeah, big shocker, I know. But I thought some of you out in the intarwebs might be interested in what's been going on with me recently. There's a lot, but whether I'll get around to typing it all up tonight or not is a major problem, since I'm tired. Whoo. Anyway, let's begin.
Firstly, in January I got a call from the ID specialist to inform me that the new blood test for testing for TB was now available in Saint John, and he booked me in their first running of said test. I went and got the blood taken, but it was two weeks before I got the results, because the specialist had a family emergency and since it was their first running of the test, they needed him there to oversee the interpretation of the results. Anyway, they finally called, and it was negative, thank God. I know that there was a high chance that I didn't have it, just by the other tests that I had, and I know that TB isn't a death sentence like it used to be, but it was still a really scary thing to me, and I was super relieved that it is now certain that I don't have it. Most likely I had reacted to another mycobacterium that is similar to TB to the skin test, and that's why I tested positive, but we'll never know. As long as it's negative, that's all that matters.
November and December were awful for me, as I'm sure some of you gathered from reading this. I lost a total of around 10 pounds during that time from sporadic eating problems due to my stomach, but I've gained most of that back (I get a different result with every scale that I weigh myself with though). For over a month and a half I was feeling nauseous constantly. I tried different medications, but it got to the point that nothing was working. I was just so frustrated with it all, I was really at rock bottom. I felt helpless, and I had no hope. Finally the ball got rolling, although the circumstance resulting in that forward motion wasn't ideal, but long story short it gave me the opportunity to open doors for myself and get myself out of the rut that I had fallen into.
I called Mental Health and began seeing a therapist. She enrolled me into a group starting in April, but in the meantime she started Cognitive Therapy with me to help be begin to change the way I was thinking. She also scheduled me in to have a psychiatric evaluation done. I also went to my doctor and demanded to be referred to a specialist, and at the end of February I was booked to have a Gastroscopy. I was changed to a different stomach pill during that visit to the doctor as well.
Anyway, therapy has made a world of difference, although it's been challenging in some ways. Firstly though, ever since I even began to have hope that things could get better, my stomach problems literally vanished. I'm talking about one day they were there, the next, gone! With the first couple of sessions of therapy I was able to figure out just what was making me so anxious about 'getting sick', and then I was able to learn a different approach with how I think about those worries. It's made a huge difference, although I still have days where it's harder. So currently with the cognitive therapy I'm learning to identify when I'm falling into a negative mode of thinking, and how to get myself out of it. The identifying part was super easy, and ever since the first session I was able to 'catch' myself very quickly. The changing part was a little more difficult, but was still surprisingly easy. The long-term issues such as trust and self-esteem though are proving very difficult to work on.
I had my psychiatric evaluation and long story short I was 'diagnosed' with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as well as having some issues with being too dependent and having some trouble with controlling factors in my life. She suggested some other medication that may be better for me, as well as some types of therapy and groups and programs that I could look into with my therapist. All in all I was extremely happy with the outcome. I'm glad that I now have an actual label for the problems I've been struggling with, and it gives me hope that it's something that I can overcome, or at the very least learn to live with.
So on the fourth of March I went in for my Gastroscopy. Since that 'incident' that set things in motion, my stomach issues had all but completely vanished, with only the occasional bout of nausea if I began to 'regress'. I can't even begin to describe how much of a change there was, really, but it was like night and day. It just goes to show how much of it (literally 100%) was due to my nervous way of thinking. Anyway, I was really scared to have this test (although I could tell even then that I wasn't nearly as bad as I would have been in the past), but everything turned out beautifully. I was good and drugged for the procedure, and I woke up without incident (a few embarrassing stories were shared with me afterwards, though, but nothing I'll repeat here), and the best part was that everything was 100% normal. There was absolutely no problem, nor was there any damage from how sick I was in the winter. So it was a HUGE relief to me, and it gave me that much more resolve to know that it was something mental that was causing the problems, so it was a huge encouragement to me to continue with my therapy.
The group I was supposed to have in April, the 'Depression and Anxiety' group, was moved ahead to March 5th! So even though I was still a little groggy from the procedure the previous day, I started that, and every week it's been invaluable to me. There is so much good material in there, and I can get a lot of use out of it, although I'll admit it often is a struggle to actually get myself to 'do it', since motivation and procrastination are such issues with me. But I'm getting there, even though it's moving slowly.
I started my new medication yesterday, Effexor, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it helps with things. I got a headache last night almost immediately after taking it, and I was dizzy this morning, but that could be entirely unrelated to the meds (although I haven't had really any ill symptoms in any aspect of my life since January), or it could just be my body getting used to the sudden new medication. Anyway, it went away easily (after a nap), and the headache after taking it tonight went away without an advil, so I'm optimistic.
Shanna's moving out! She's moving back up to Fredericton at the end of April, and she has 2 jobs all ready and waiting for her! She's going to start out at Omni cleaning, and after a month or two (I can't remember when exactly she said) she starts full-time at a car dealership doing mechanical things, like oil changes and repairs, etc. She's learned so much while working at Canadian Tire, and she's really going to have a lot of opportunities for her at this new job! I'm real happy for her!
As far as a job for me goes, Mom and Dad have been infinitely awesome and are giving me time to 'sort things out' with therapy and the groups I'm going to be taking, and are letting me be jobless for a while. We've had a few fights along the way, but things seem to be back to normal, even better than normal actually. I'm planning on volunteering some though, just so that I can stay 'in the community' and actually do something, and I have a few dogsitting jobs lined up, two of which are next weekend. One of them I get to babysit a litter of four-week-old Shetland Sheepdog puppies! Anyway, I'm going to be getting some cash in along the way, and I got a good tax return, and my debt is going down with huge amounts of help from Nan and Mom and Dad, so things are looking really good!
*sigh* I am rather befuddled writing all of this so long after some of these things have happened, but at least now I have a clear slate that I can work from. If I forgot anything I'll be sure to update it along the way. I also want to talk more about my therapy, but I'm tired, so that will have to wait for another day. But a big thanks to all of my friends for sticking with me through these hard times, and I'm looking forward to all the wonderful new experiences I can have with the new start that I can create. Hopefully it will be mostly positive!
PS: And where the hell did my header image go?! Gah!!
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